The Lost Weekends!!

The Lost Weekends!!

by Rebecca Smith

HAHAHAHA, you thought you would never hear from me again. But I am back. I finally got my act together (thanks to a slow day on Euronext…woooohooooo for 49 lines) and I have written again.

OK So I have been terribly remiss in the writing of these journals. I kept putting it off because I didn't have time, but the more I put it off, the more I had to write about, the less time I had, and the more daunting the task, making me want to put it off again and again. Ahhhhh the vicious cycle of procrastination.

Well in place of writing a bunch of journal entries about the past 5 months, I have opted to write a short summary of my time here (mainly because I can't remember the past 5 minutes, let alone the past months in order to wax poetic- well actually sarcastic- about it). And by short, I mean relatively short considering it covers 5 months of travel and experiences. So what if it’s a novella?!?!

OK so when I left you I had gone to Brugge for my birthday…hmmmm I kind of left this for a bit, didn’t I? Well let’s see, after that came October…

October

There was this big party thrown by one of our software distributors where they invited the clients and since one of my bosses wasn’t going, I was given his ticket. It was held at an old clocktower building on the docks across the river from the Millenium Dome (a horrifyingly expensive project by the city of London in order to entice the Olympic planners that failed in its job and has now fallen into disuse). This event had free flowing alcohol, some crap free food, and a dance floor. Wheeeeeeee!! In my element. Except that I was surrounded by drunk British back office boys, who it turns out are obnoxious and have horrifyingly awful taste in music. So I kept drinking the wine and dancing along until we were booted out.

Then there was a big football match here of England versus Turkey for the FA Cup (mind you football here in England is what we call soccer and our football is referred to as American Football). Suz and I went to watch the match at her local pub with her flatmates and their friends. Here is where I learned that the Brits have no imagination when it comes to team spirit. They drink a lot, they watch the game, and they shout chants like “C’mon England!! C’mon England!!” and (to the tune of the clock chime-y song) “Same old Turkey…Always Cheating!!!” So this was interesting for about 5 minutes.

Ahhhh, then came Halloween. The night before, Mountbatten took us on the Jack the Ripper walk…..in the bitter cold, in the dark dirty streets of East London (a dodgy area) where our guide told us of the horrors Jack the Ripper created. Ok so nightmares that night. For Halloween Suz and I had huge ginormous plans for costumes. First we were gonna be the 118 118 guys (its based on an advert here for an telephone information service where these two guys run around in 1970’s style running paraphernalia with 118 emblazoned across their chests and mullet-ed hairstyles and huge handlebar moustaches to the tune of the Rocky theme shouting “Got your number!!”). Then we decided that we would not look very cute if dressed as such, so we tried to come up with cheap, funny, and attractive alternatives. We waffled a bit much and wound up dressed as Suz and Bek for Halloween. This was still the period when I really relied on Suz as my only means of social interaction.

November

OK, so the first weekend we went to Leeds Castle, which PS is gorgeous. But we were there for Mountbatten, so most of the day we were sitting in lectures. Round about the late afternoon, however, they had us splitting up to work on our group projects. We were all milling about but they refused to take us back to London until we had tea. I tried to stage a revolt but it was quickly quashed by Jenny, the young American Mountbatten Staff who likes to “distance herself” from us by not “fraternizing” with us which has created an already icy atmosphere by this point in our relationship with her, in a display of her “power.” Needless to say, this only further demonized her character within our group. The bus ride home was interesting to say the least. There were some snide remarks and unnecessarily loud defamations of character on the part of some embittered Mountbatten interns from last March against poor “brought it upon herself” Jenny. Oh well, moving on.

Suz’s birthday is in the end of November (on the 29th for any who care to send along good wishes when it comes around again). But as she was planning a luxury vacation to Switzerland with her fam on Mom and Dad’s tab over that weekend, I decided to try and throw her a surprise party a bit earlier. Main problems: strategic planning, and my extremely poor lying abilities. Had to make sure Suz was available so I am all…..keep this day clear and we’ll go get manicures. Went all nutty and made eggplant parm (as I do) from scratch…..no pre-made Ragu type bottled sauce for me. Then realized…..hmmmm, have to get this to Suz’s flat after work without her seeing it. Devised some crazy plan of having her meet me at the nail place, then stopping at her place first and dropping the food off with reheating directions for her flatmate, Ed, who I left responsible for gathering the crowds and reheating the food. Then, as it will, the London Public Transportation System took advantage of my trust and fell to pieces. The Piccadilly line, which Suz lives on, crapped out and all the busses were stuck in rush hour traffic. What should have taken me about 30 min, in actuality took 2 hrs. I still tried to get Suz to meet me for a drink, but that still meant I had to somehow drop the food off to be cooked. Well, basically, she called, I answered the phone, sputtered and stuttered, and she caught on. So I spoiled the surprise with my lateness, my inability to lie, and my lack of power over the Tube (despite how hard I tried to control it with my mind). But I think she was glad to have some recognition of her birthday even if it was RUINED!! Oh well.

Then Suz, two girls from her programme at Sotheby’s, our friend Mark from Uni, and myself all took a weekend trip to Amsterdam. We had a good time. We got to see what life was like as a Heineken at the museum. We ate Pancoeken. And we rode a boat. WAIT……WHERE’S MARK?!?!?!! Oh that’s right, we took different flights, and DEAR GOD we can’t find him now. If any of you know Mark, then you know that this must have been the worst experience for him…..and we were freaking out on his behalf. None of our mobiles were working, we couldn’t call him. We were just praying he would have the presence of mind to wait at the hostel. And, since Mark is a smart kid, he did just that. So we found him. Then we ate, and we ate, and we ate…….So we ate a lot in Amsterdam. No one will EVER see those pictures!! This trip will never be mentioned again.

Ahhhhhh, Bella Italia!! Here is where the tradition of Girl Trips began with Me, Suz, Abra, Monica, Neeti, and Kate. Sicily. The theme of the weekend was togetherness. 6 FATASS (we aren’t actually, but when compared to the Italian girls…..our Missy Elliot-style badunkadunks were the biggest ones in town) American girls squeezing (and when I say squeezing, I mean it, there were limbs dangling, sitting on each other’s laps, Charlie horses and the like) into one tiny little horse drawn carriage for a tour with a driver who spoke no English, and I with my paltry skills being the only (slightly) Italian speaker in the bunch). So we didn’t learn much on this tour, but we laughed a lot, and entertained the people of Palermo as they never have been before for about an hour. We went out for a delicious meal followed by a night that will go down in history and a morning that I wish I could forget. The next day we did the beach thing, but it was too cold to do anything but sit looking at it. Basically, we were the only tourists in the whole of Palermo, cuz it was like winter to them. We were walking around in flip flops and T-shirts, cuz it was 65F which was soooooo warm to us coming from bitter cold England, while the Palermitani were wearing winter coats and hats and hawking Christmas decorations at the markets. Oh well, Sicily was one of the best trips ever.

Thanksgiving…an American tradition of feasting and football. I had to work. Black Friday……a family tradition of blood sport (ie sale shopping). I had to work. I pretty much hated England for this. We got ours back by throwing a Faux Thanksgiving. I rallied the troops, we bought the most expensive Turkey and pumpkin pies ever created. Everyone brought something. It was lovely. But if you know me, and you know my kitchen habits, you can well understand the fear of god I put into some of my new friends with my reaction to their trying to “help out” in the kitchen. So I’m slightly controlling…..is that so wrong?? Well the meal was lovely, and for once there were no leftovers. Anthony and Nate made some of the best Mac and Cheese from scratch and Portobello mushrooms, respectively, I have ever had. Will introduced us to the Turkey Bag, basically a plastic bag that you stick the Turkey so it self-bastes. I don’t think it worked, or Will cooked them for too long, cuz the turkeys came out looking like they were carved…..from a tree trunk. Luckily he had entrusted one to me, and that one came out fine……it damn well should have after all my other Thanksgiving bloopers of years past.

December

December was filled with a short trip to Oxford (lovely university town---Jason’s future Alma Mater), office Christmas parties, Christmas drinks, Christmas shopping, more drinks, Mountbatten Christmas parties, nights out……and oh yeah……the trip that was not meant to be. I don’t want to talk about this. I’m not bitter. I swear.

Then I went home for a while. Saw a bunch of people and my fam. Took the Foreign Service Oral Assessment, failed it, flew back to England in early January, and that is that.

January

So I came back from holiday, and expected to fall right back into the swing of things. I did, we went out for drinks one night, and my stupid self left my bag alone, and it was promptly stolen. And we’re not talking tiny little handbag…we’re talking large Longchamp bag filled with sneakers, discman, two other purses, all my holiday Thank You cards yet to be mailed, any paperwork I had, my glasses, my sunglasses, my umbrella, my fleece, my raincoat…well basically, nearly everything I owned. What can you do? I got upset. I tried not to harp on it, cuz its annoying to other people and it doesn’t resolve anything. But basically it sucks. Thankfully, my Dad and Karen are great and sent me an infusion so I could buy new glasses so I could see at work, and Mom brought me some stuff when she came out to visit. But it still sucks. And the police are unconcerned with petty theft, and the bar owners were of no help. Oh well.

Then Mountbatten whisked us off to Paris. When I say whisked…..I mean forced us to take a really early train to Paris and then made us go direct from the station to our first meeting with our baggage at the OECD (don’t worry, I went there and I still don’t know what it is) some sort of international financial organization. Basically lots of powerful EU dignitaries and diplomats are involved in it. The grounds were lovely and it is housed in an old estate. Very historic. Very posh. And we all looked like vagabonds. Afterwards they took us to our very fine lodgings…..translation, one of the dodgiest hostels in town (to this day I swear that’s where the bed bugs came from---if we really did have any). They originally told us we would be given money for food but changed their minds and gave us a crap meal at the hostel and some M&S crappy sandwiches. Yick. Not to mention painful to my budget as I had allotted for that incoming cash. Oh well. The next day we went to UNESCO. That was kind of cool cuz how often do you get to visit one of the world’s largest organizations promoting cultural growth…..um never, that’s right. We took a tour of the building, saw pics of dignitaries of international import, ie Mandela. And we saw the only unsigned Picasso. Then a couple of us attempted to go grab some lunch on the Champs Elysees…whoops forgot its Chinese New Year….the whole street is blocked for the parade. Starvation makes people do strange things. We were all cranky and hungry…..so some nasty remarks were bandied about. We latched onto the first food vendor we could find…..mistake. Never been sooooooooo sick in my life. Then we tried to go shopping at the Galleries Lafayette……whoops January Sales…..the whole street is crowded with shoppers. I quit. Heading back to our crap hostel. It was Monica’s birthday and they were all gonna go out, but I had to go home, cuz my family was coming to town. Man. Oh well. I grabbed some bread to take back. Nice. But then I got to the passport terminal at the train station. The passport control officer was saying something to me and motioning at my bread. I was tired and don’t speak French, so I took it to mean “You can’t bring that in here. “ In actual fact he was saying “The French make good bread, no?” (imagine with faux French accent---much funnier that way). I finally figured this out and felt really dumb cuz he kept saying it and I just was kinda nodding and uh huh-ing him since I couldn’t understand. So I got past him and came upon the metal detector zone. They made me put my bread through the metal detector…..FINE, but the officer took it from me to put through the machine….FINE, but then she FOLDED IT IN HALF…….NOT FINE!!!! WHAT?!?!?! Aren’t you French, don’t you understand the sacrilege you have just committed?!?!?! Apparently not. Fine. Now its certain, the French are worthy of a bit of hatred now and then, if only for this one moment of total lack of lucidity on their part. WHATEVER!!!

OK, then my mom, Sam, TJ, Aunt Nancy, and……oh wait no, not Sylvia, I guess she didn’t miss me that much or have a desire to see London. Fine, it’s ok, I’m not bitter. I’ll remember this. And I’ll get you Sylvia, and your little dog too. Whoops….ok so anyways, the fam came to visit. I had to work….as usual, so most of their time was spent totally ignoring my suggestions and doing their own thing. Cool. They now understand my financial plight, the burdens of relying on London Public Transport, and the thing about the weather. I really enjoyed getting to see them. I hope they had fun. I wish I had had more time to spend with them. Oh well. Che sera sera.

February

So the first weekend, Monica and I went up to Edinburgh…..Scotland. I know, right?!!?! We were staying in one hostel that horrified Monica and I both, so we moved across the street to another one that was much nicer the next day. OK so SUPER COLD. Snowed all weekend. We had some whiskey at the whiskey centre. We bought cashmere. We ate a deep fried Mars bar……and it was good too. We saw some castles, Holyrood Palace (the royal residence in Edinburgh) and Edinburgh Castle. We shopped a lot. We tried to go out, but it was soooooooo cold and basically a snow storm, so we only made it to the pub on the corner with a bunch of Americans from our hostel. The next day we were going to climb Arthur’s Seat, the highest point in Edinburgh, but it was overcast and rainy, so we just walked around a bit and then walked up to this other hilltop. It was gorgeous. Sometimes its really nice to get out of London. It was nice to experience the tranquillity of the city and nature while still in the city. A lovely balance and harmony……ahhhh yoga speak for “Duh, it was pretty.”

The next week, Evy and Heidi came into town. I know them from Uni, but they were both coming here to visit different people. Turns out Heidi was coming to visit her friend from high school…….who happens to be on the same programme as me and works at UBS with me, Nira. So we all went to see a new Edward Albee play, “The Goat, or Who is Sylvia?” I thought it would be a light-hearted comedy about a man who falls in love with a goat. Turns out its some sort of melodrama that scared the crap out of us all. Weird. I had to work the rest of the week so Evy and Heidi did their own thing. Thursday night we went out for drinks with the Mountbatten kids and some co-workers. Friday we had dinner with the girls for Abra’s birthday. Saturday we went out to Hampton Court Palace. Then we went out to Tiger Tiger that night. Tiger Tiger is not ideal, but it is free to get in, so we go. Reeny, Neeti, and I found a chilling bottle of champagne that was unfortunately attached to some scheevy guys, but my glass was never empty. This kind of upset Evy since I originally just walked away to go to the loo. An hour later……whoops!! So that was fun. The next day we went to the Tower of London then we had lunch at Wagamama and then we went to Camden market and ate some more. Do you notice the theme yet? On Monday night, to make up for the horrifying theatre experience of before, we got some preview tickets to see the West End debut of “When Harry Met Sally” starring Luke Perry, formerly Dylan of 90210 fame, and Allyson Hannigan, formerly of Willow from Buffy and the Band Camp Geek fame. Surprisingly, Luke Perry was awesome as Harry, but Willow sucked as Sally. Key factor, you get to see Luke Perry’s ass!!! SUHHHHHHH WEEEEEEETTTTT!!!!!!!! Then farewell to the girls!! Hope they had fun!!

Then Kate and I took a trip to York for the Viking Festival. Because we are bad at planning and are poor, we didn’t book any tickets to any of the events ahead of time, so we couldn’t get tickets to the “Coronation” a re-enactment of the coronation of the Viking King after defeating the Normans in York. So instead we went to se a play. And oh what a mistake that was. It was an ultra-modern art house production based on ancient Viking mythology but set in a futuristic environment. Lots of killing and scary fake gunshots and weird characters and melodrama. I suppose we should have known from the title, “Blood Tide.” Hmmmphhh. Oh well. Then we went out. We went on a mini-pub crawl, which in spike heels and bone-chilling temperatures is not fun. We wound up at the only club in York, which it turns out has some lovely clientele…if by lovely you mean the under 18 year old boy urinates on the bus stop in front of you while his friend is trying to play it like they’re older and in the Royal Air Force so he can pick you girls up, but I don’t, and is sooooo worth the hour long outdoor queue and £7 cover……NOT!!!! Nonetheless we went in. Danced till we got tired and then went back to our lovely hotel, which had locked us and several other guests out!!!! The horror!!! So our cab driver was a lovely bloke who sat on his horn for us to get the night porter’s attention. When we finally got to our room, it was lovely, all down comforters and clean sheets and cable tv. Nice. So we slept in and watched Hollyoaks on Sunday morning and then had a nice Yorkshire breakfast at the hotel. Then we walked about town and did some touristy stuff, went to the Viking Centre which was basically a Disney ride through and archaeological site, then we went to the Outlet mall. Ehhhh, it was alright, but nothing like the malls we have in the States, esp not like our outlet malls. Oh well. Then we went to catch our train, which it turns out, I got the times mixed up and we had missed it 2 hrs ago, so we just brazened it out, and we got on the later train, and nobody asked us any questions…..phew.

The last weekend in Feb we went to the Ceili in Camden. The Ceili (pronounced Kayleigh) is Scottish folk dancing, pretty much square dancing. It was surprisingly fun. You just get up and twirl around a lot hopefully in time to the music and following the caller’s directions. Everyone is very friendly and you just dance with anyone. For some reason, I’m guessing the fact that we are pretty much a large group of American girls, we had attracted a large group of older gentlemen who hovered around the outskirts of our group hoping to grab one of us and take us out to the dance floor to be their partner. It was fun. I was sweaty and laughing my head off. There was this one guy in a kilt with red hair and so patently Scottish, and I was all “He’s cute.” And now he is Kate’s boyfriend. But I’m not bitter. Not at all. It’s fine. Whatever.

March

OK so the March interns were leaving soon, so we had a farewell party for them on a dinner/disco cruise of the Thames. Interesting. Didn’t go too crazy, as we had to be up at like 3:30am to catch our crap Ryan Air flight to Stockholm. Wheeeee!!

So Ryan Air flight to Stockholm. I hate Ryan Air. I will never fly Ryan Air again. I always say this, and then they lure me back with the promise of cheap tickets. But they never let on that you have to pay at least £20 to get to and from Stansted, their hub in London, and probably the same to get to and from their airport in your destination. This time there is also a 2 hr bus ride. NICE…..thank you Ryan Air for once again SCREWING US!!!! YOU BASTARDS!!!! Stockholm, as it turns out, is even more expensive than London. What’s that you say, impossible….what can be more expensive than London?!?!?! Well as it happens, Stockholm is. Crikey!!! The first day we all just walked around town exploring. We found the American Store, and were ecstatic and then we saw the prices of things, and giggled nervously and left. I mean for god’s sake you cannot charge $3 for one Snapple!!!! Can you? We walked down to the waterfront. We saw the palace. We saw a church. It was a lovely city. Then we found a supermarket to buy ourselves a light meal on a budget, cuz we were going out that night. We had reservations at the Ice Bar, a bar in the Ice Hotel which is made entirely of ice, the bar, the walls, the glasses….all ice. They give you these huge parkas and gloves and send you in for your drinks. It was really cool. Then…..oh yeah the best part…..Kate has been pen pals with this Swedish guy for like 6 years…..so she scheduled a meeting with him….in Stockholm. He told us to meet him and some of his friends at this new club in Stockholm. So we get there and its 25 and over. None of us are 25, so we brazen it out and I let Suz do the lying, and she’s all we’re all 25 and except her (points to Larissa) and says she’s 26. So the bouncer asks each of us in turn (mind you there are 8 of us on this trip…..8 American girls…..and we are looking FINE…..who would …..nay, who could turn us away???) So needless to say we got in. Lovely. Monica at this point is beyond gone and is fascinated with the candles…..which freaks me out cuz she is not playing safe with the fire. So I take away her candle privileges. At which point she becomes basically embarrassingly belligerent or touchy feely, depending on the moment. Too much for me to handle. Finally, the music starts, but what’s this…..a live band…..this would be fine, if they were good, but when they are not good, but are under the impression that they are God……well its lethal. Let me just say the cover band version of JT followed by the same band playing Chaka Khan, Janet Jackson, and eventually closing with Elvis and a fascinating arm swing pelvis shaking dance move……well its all just too much. Those crazy Swedes. Oh yeah, and Kat’s Swedish friend, well him and his friends were boring and just sitting around talking. We like to dance, so we did. This apparently made us no fun. So Kate got ditched. Oh well. We had fun dancing in Sweden……but where were all the beautiful people we were promised. The men were ehhhh, and the women were more plastic and fake tan then the Hilton sisters…..yuck!! Oh well. Good times good times. The next day we followed the promise of Mexican and found the Swedish version of it at least. Ick. I always fall prey to this clever ruse……oh yeah there’s a Mexican place just over here…….no j/k we don’t know how to do Mexican, we are European, no? Hahahaha!! BASTARDS!!! Give me some black beans, some peppers, some guac……dear God, have you no mercy??? And then we split up. Suz, Jen and I went shopping….DUH, what else did you expect. H&M on every corner…..this is what makes Sweden great. I mean they invented H&M. So top that!! I bought a raincoat and sunglasses to replace the…cough cough, ahem, ones that went missing. Then we all met up at the hostel and went out for a lovely meal. At the time it seemed perfectly reasonable, but looking back…..we paid at least £30 each for dinner…..without drinks, which with the exchange rate comes out to about $60 for one meal. Too late now. Oh well, it was good though. Then we had to wake up at 2am to catch the bus back to the airport to catch the plane to go back to London to catch the train to get to work at 9:30….on about 3 hrs sleep. Nice. And the BIATCH lady behind the counter at the airport tried to make Suz check her bag, so Suz calls me over to put some of her stuff in my bag, so the lady tries to check my bag so Suz and I just wear a bunch of stuff and walk away with our bags as carry-ons and the lady’s all, but you will still have the extra weight on your person, and we’re all yup, and walk away. So there Swedish BIATCH!!!! So there.

Then my flatmate Hillary made me go on a blind date with some guy in her dept and now I can’t walk to bathroom anymore for fear of encountering him. I hate it. Very uncomfortable. Oh well

Then James came into town. I went with him and Suz to Madame Tussaud’s. OMIGOD……it was about $34 to go in. I mean it was interesting, but that is only for one time in your life. NEVER AGAIN. And then we went to a GW Alumni Event where Trachtenberg spoke for like an hour……BORING!!! But free nibbles and drinks. And that’s a good thing!!

Then we had to go to Birmingham with Mountbatten. We stopped in Stratford-upon-Avon on the way. Its super cute and very historic. We went to this beautiful church cuz it was free. Anything related to Shakespeare charged an enormous entry free. It rained REALLY hard for the 2 hrs we were there and then got sunny as we reboarded the bus. Typical English weather. OK, so there are basically no redeeming qualities about Birmingham. It’s an industrial city. It’s not cultural or pretty. It just is. They have a Ben’s Cookies, which is good. They invented Balti, a type of curry, also good. That’s it. Goodbye to the Brummies!!!

Then Larissa and I went to a cocktail party event for the opening of the new Jimmy Choo store on Bond Street. Mmmmmmm I love it when champagne runs like water from the tap, but its even better when its quality champagne!!! SWEET!!! And we got to see beautiful and expensive shoes and handbags up close. Whatever, we drank our fill and went home, just as the society page photographer showed up……oh well, maybe next time. So that brings us up to April………

April

We went on a tour of the Globe Theatre last weekend as part of the programme and did a workshop. Not sure why we did any of this, but they let us on the stage, so ok.

Then on Sunday, my new flatmate, Uyen (oh that’s right, Annie, turned out to be a psycho, got fired, and left London, so now Uyen moved in and so did the new Marchies, who seem nice) and Kayleigh and I walked the Hampstead Heath and toured the Highgate Cemetery where we got to see the Rosetti gravesite and a bunch of other cool, but macabre stuff. I mean it was a cemetery. It was a semi-nice day with the sun alternating with rain, but bitter cold at times…..as it is here. Again Typical English weather. It was a lovely day. Then we came home and ate Ben and Jerry’s (on sale at the local supermarket for $6 a pint…..nice huh?) and watched Indiana Jones. Lovely.

This weekend is Easter, and Uyen and I are going to Valencia, Spain for the holiday. All I can see is Paella and Sangria in my future. So adios until next time (which I promise will be more frequent than 6 months from now). TA!!!!